It hasn’t even been a month, and though I feel it going in a good direction, that’s not a talk we’re to the point of having. I’m alright with that, it’s fine. We will cross that bridge when we are damn good and ready. This whole thing has been such progress for me, that’s what some who haven’t known me long don’t get. The getting to know eachother phase is in full swing. I feel comfortable and happy. I’m going with the flow. That’s good enough for me.
Dear wine, I had an asshole of a headache when I woke up because of you, but I went running anyway. So haha ha.
the loudest thing in my head.
and i ache to remember
all the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said.” —
Artist: Matt Nathanson
Song- Come on get higher.
You know, I should just ignore this hormonal mess I am right now and admit that I’ve created my own vortex of insecurity. It’s quite ridiculous and unfounded too, I’m just wallowing in something I have no reason for because I feel deprived of attention. Quite frankly, that’s so lame I should apologize to myself.
It’s been such a long week. For multiple reasons. I just keep telling myself to hang on til Thursday, and now it’ll be here tomorrow, and I just really hope he’s been waiting for it like I have. One of us needs to say something first dammit; I might need to get brave quick.
I ate too much today, I feel like I’m going to explode. My capacity for sugar and bread is so low anymore.
I need a hug. I really do.
I just really could’ve used a good hug today.
Did you ever realize after the fact that you’ve let something go? That a moment, an action, a deception that you had allowed to previously define you is now gone from where it lurked inside?
I realized that today. I couldn’t have moved forward had I not let all if that go. It was heavy, and it wasn’t my fault, and I’m done with it.
In other news, I think my knees are still weak.
Wow. Just wow. Wow.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to explain it to him, but in one moment last night he changed how I used to associate something with a jerk into me associating it with him. It was a move that changed my level of vulnerability without my even realizing it. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
I was told last night by someone I had just met that I analyze things too much. I wish there was a switch I could use to just turn that tendency off, because if I could I would.
I also saw my sister’s bff, it was her party I was at, and she asked me all kinds of big sis questions about the guy I’ve been dating. That was great, because so very often I’m the “big sister” with my friends, so it’s awesome to have someone be that for me.